Keep Calm and Stay Cool

How would you react when you heard of the ugly rumours about yourself? What will you do when you realize you are an innocent victim and were dragged into a fight which was totally not relevant to you? What will you do to save your friendship? What will you do when you found the real ugly truth? Can everything back to normal as if nothing had happened before? How would you face all these? How would you solve these? Will you remained silent as what I'm doing now? Am I doing the right things? No one can tell me which is right and what can I do. No one. Only God will know what's right and what's wrong.

I know I'm very wrong for cursing someone I don't like. That's the only way to make me feel better. As for my almost broken friendship, I have once chose to ignore and avoid. I have lost my guts to confront the truth that I will be losing my friends, my precious 5 years friendship. I chose to ignore and acted as if nothing has happened. Only if I have clarified all my doubts and misunderstanding earlier; only if I have control my angers well; only if I have listened to every parties involved before I came to a conclusion, all these craps would not have happened.

I Blamed myself for not being wise,I Blame myself for not keeping my mind clear and I blaming myself for being a stubborn donkey all these while.

A starry night sky which I have been longed for.

Thank God for refraining me doing things that I will regret soon or sooner.Thank you God for accept me again back into the family of Christ; Thank you God for keeping an eye on me; Thank you God for the guidance and every tasks given to me all these while. O Lord, my Father in Heaven, please continue to give me guidance and drive me away from the evils. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Day Out with Mommy

Today i went out with my mom, we lingered around wet market, shopped some ingredients for today dinner, have our breakfast together without my dad( hahaha!) photostated my pass year osce, shopped in a IT shop for new laptop(acer S7) and ended up in a salon.

I've trimmed my hair, not so short but still looked adorable ^^  the hairdresser tried his best to persuade me to do relaxing. hmmphh... i like my hair so far, dont think i still need any relaxing but hey , that's a tempting idea!

to do or not to do? end result is still a cute and adorable me ! HAHAHAHA!!!!


i'm happy for my own life now. I still don't need any man to control my life now. my dad himself alone controlling me is more than enough. but he is actually giving me a lot of freedom! hehehe!

A friend of mine asked me to be his sister. I did not give him a definite answer. He urged me to make a decision. then i realize he wants to have a relationship with him. he has a fiance and yet he still want to have a relationship with me. he asked me whether want to be his first priority in his heart! This is so insane, his mind had gone berserk! so I rejected him, but agree to be his sister. GUYS, please be loyal to your girlfriend and fiance. cant you?!

Moment with Family

I've been so stressful lately. I'm glad that mom rang me up. Feel glad to talked to someone you trusted and loved. I'm so reluctant to stay in hostel now. Feel like fleeing away to somewhere with awesome scenery and great and sporty peoples! I had loss of appetite lately. I eat to give me energy throughout the day. I have no longer eating because of unsatisfied satiety center. I had early satiety and postprandial fullness. differential diagnosis? gastric carcinoma probably linitus plastica.

Mommy wants to go somewhere for vacation this weekend. She's been busy for other people and hardly have time for herself. Time for vacation. Malacca? No... I'm so sicked for traffic congestion in Malacca. enough of this crap in KL. Perhaps somewhere with beach? I didn't manage to go Teluk Cempedak for sea breeze with mcdonald sundae cone moment last weekend. Should have do it this weekend. 

I wanna go travel again. far far away from home. with my beloved one.

Mental and Physical Fatigue

I made myself a caffeine addict. As a consequence, I'm wide awake almost every single night. I staring blankly on my laptop screen. Deep inside my head, my hypothalamus and pituitary gland are dancing wildly. They are happily secreting endorphine. My mind ran wild. My heart racing fast. But my body were too weak to respond to the high endorphine level. I lied deadly on my bed, with long hours of blank stare and finally dozed off involuntarily. These cycles continue everyday. My happy little friends kept popping out on the surface of my face with creamy cheesy pus inside. And my hair kept falling off my scalp every single day. by the rate of hair loss like this, I bet I will be balded in no time. Sigh.

Fairy Tales stayed in my heart. I always believe in them. 

Anger Management

Do you know the ways to control your anger? Everyone gets angry on occasion. Overwhelming rage could damage one's physical and mental health. These are what I came across lately, a few ways to suppress or calm myself down:

1) Take a break as soon as you recognize that you are angry
-step away and don't ever talk to anyone as this could initiate unpleasant verbal insult.

2) Take a real deep breath

3) Go to "happy place"
-whatever place that could calm you down. focus on every objects in that place.

4) if the above doesn't really work, then try to think of some happy moments

5) talk to someone you trust

6)practice positive self-talking

7) try to see humour in what angered you

The above ways are just acute management of anger. I will share long term anger management in other day. GOOD NIGHT PEEPS! =)

Upside Down

I've been emotionally labile lately. I'm sorry for those who had been my victims. I knew I'm angry but my temper will be very very intense as compared to normal situation. I would not get angry for no reason. I should have sleep more lately. Maybe I  should consider early TAHBSO.

Miserable All Time

"Medical students are not even a bacteria as compared to houseman."

I came across these statement during my surgical posting. I'm not as ego as any surgeon do, however i'm not as ignorant as other people do. Sometimes, i found the way the healthcare workers talked to us was kind of harsh. Oh well, give me a break, didn't they learn communication skill since young? there are plenty of ways to talk to someone in a proper way. I'm sure everyone will willing to obey commands if the talking part was okay.

Well, let's talk about something else. How am I now after decades of time leaving my blogs aside? I'm been through the busiest and toughest postings ever which was paediatric and found that it was not that scary as the rumours said. However there are so much for me to learn yet. Im grateful to have Prof Wan and Dr NurShadia as my mentors.They taught me really alot. Poor brain the storage size is too small for all these great knowledges. PLEASE STAY WITH ME MEMORIES! Then goes the surgery. I can say I learnt and practice most of the procedures here. Practices made perfect. Now i don't feel fear while setting intravenous line; I learnt the way to comfort patient before setting in branula. seriously I had saw so many kinds of patients with varying reactions. They were just so adorable. Once in Primary Care Medicine, nurses told me, setting lines in elderly was very difficult. I do agreed, but we still have to learn as we will have to do ourselves later in life. The most difficult part in T&S was injecting topical analgesia. CBD is kinda toturing in elder women. ABG is really not easy too. peeps, practices made perfect. We can go through these.

I'm looking forward for EOP which were just around the corner. Paeds EOP and Surgery EOP. God Blessed Me please.