Monologue 2

• I had a pretty scary nightmares. He reckoned that it was the problems that I kept on thinking ,worrying and hence they were all hidden in my subconscious mind. So, these nightmares are the reflection of the problems that shouldn't be a problem at the first place. 
• I'm repeating my bad habits occasionally. I got nervous easily, worrying too much for something minor. I'm still doing it now. I hate these. 
• Sometimes, my temper gone bad when I'm rushing for something. My mom kept reminding me to hold my temper. She said I will scare off my husband in the future which I found it very funny to hear this. Oh dear, my cute mommy.
• I see a few complete brachial plexua injury and I think i'm so lucky to have healthy moving four limbs. I should have stop complaining about my crab-like gait. My sciatica is recovering. I should have feel contented instead of complaining. Anyway, I still have to advise all the youngsters out there, mind your postures when you are carrying heavy loads~~~ slipped disc is not funny at all!!!
• Loves to stay alone in the room lately. bad or good things? =)
• I'm counting the days when piggy man is coming back. Time to eat roasted pig~~~ hahahaha! 
• I can't wait to welcome my little nephew to be out of his mama's womb~ comm'on baby, your aunt is so eager to hug and kiss you!!!! 

My 2013

It's our study week already! It's his Final's study week and my last week to prepare for EOP for orthopedic posting. Time passes fast. 2013 is almost coming to an end. Flashback to my 2013, many incidents happened, either good or the bad incidents. Thank God I had overcome them with precious lessons learnt in each incidents. Blessing in disguise. God has created many ways for me to learn, to grow up, to appreciate and to love every single persons that I have met in my life even my enemies.

God also created miracles in so many ways that I have met my love one in a very special way. I feel blessed that my problems have been taken care by God each time. Never forget the Almighty one whenever you feel like you are hopeless. You never know how great He is!

It's very surprised that Piggyman and me shared many similarities and the way we communicate with each other is always so unique and suits with each other as if we are enzyme and substrate and destiny is our catalyst.

I really cant tell how grateful I am for now.

I prayed for a heartwarming christmas this year. I don't need crowds of people to wish me a merry christmas. I want all of my family members gathered and spend our christmas together. So my wish was granted. I have everyone around me. We talked, we laughed and we gossiped. I even have my two brother's gf together with us. I couldn't wish for anything more! =)

 And for our coming exams... It's kinda hilarious actually. We motivated each other but at the same times we were too weak to resist the desire to sleep in our minds. Well he dealt with these problems better than me.  At least he can stay up longer than me. I used to doze off before the time I have set reached. TSK TSK...But we are really bookwormssss when we decided to be one. XD

I wish everyone has a blessed Christmas :) and Happy New Year! ^^

Piggyman , I wish you the best for your study week and coming exam !!! <3 ^^

Hectic Busy Weeks

So many things to be done in this month. So stressful.

Piggy man is going to have his final at the end of this month. So I'm not going to interrupt him for awhile. We will be contacting each other again in next year. I know I'm going to miss his voice. Badly.

I want a snowman for my christmas~ ^^ no, I want piggy man for my christmas ^^

Turkey, potatoes, mushroom soup, pasta, muffins, cakes, chocolates will be my main menu for thanksgiving day this year. Hopefully mom is fine with these. My mom has the best cooking skill after all. ^^

Fruitful Day

We had a discussion session with Dr Ahmad from urology department. RM Ong and me presented a case each respectively. I was so nervous, my hands were cold to touch and it was shivering in anxiety. This was not my first time presenting a case. But probably I take it as a real long case. awww~

I managed to interviewed Mr Koo. He is a nice man. Dr Ahmad really taught us alot and he is a very dedicated tutor. Thanks for keep me motivated Dr Ahmad! =D

Halfway through my interviewing session, there was a loud and noisy voices "chirping" in the ward. Without peeping through the curtain, I was very certain that was Dr Thi Ha and yes I was right. He ordered TTL to examine one of the patient's penis. I still remember what he said. " I want BOY only. HAHAHAHA~~~!!! you will present what u find to your comrade later" (plus a smirk..ewww..) Okay fine. LOL  guess what, he just want TTL to have a look what the patient did to his penis. There is two beads inserted to his penile shaft........zzzzz

On the other hand, Pig just had his exam done and there is a final term awaiting him in the end of December. I admired his way of handling his stress and anxiety. He never complain , never waste his time worrying the possibility that he might not finish his study before the exam. In fact, he kept silent and tried his best to finish his study. These includes the sacrifices of his nap time. This is what I have to learn. Stop wasting my time feeling panic! =) I know Pig will be a very successful man one day. Keep it up Pig!

PS: my buddies are planning for a trip or sing K or buffet or clubbing. These bunch of kiddos... sigh* I have to study la buddy buddy sekalian!!!! clubbing apa? semua kanak2 tak cukup umur tak boleh masuk! my playful buddies~ ><

A long tiring night

I never have the chance to sleep yesterday night after my weekend call. Blame the oncology topic that I have to prepare. It is indeed a very huge topic to be digest.

I felt so sleepy and my trapezius muscles were tensed up. I wished I can sleep. I abused one packet of coffee but my eyelids still feel like dropping.

I was skyping with him all night long too while rushing for the presentation. Thank you piggy  for staying up with me and keep me wide awake. =D

Our ways to keep ourselves awake: listening to CNY songs, and stupid and funny Mario songs. XD

Emotional Friday Night~ Missing home

I wasn't able to go home a day ago, and ended up stuck in college, hospital. Mom and dad wasn't around. They have been went off to Port Dickson again but this time without us to disturb them. I'm glad that they enjoyed their sweet times there =)

Maybe I missed dad and mom too much. I  feel sad, lonely and missed home badly. I wandering around the hospital at night. but still ended up in the room eventually. Study group discussion postponed to the next day. Fortunately , my studygroup mates kinda of able to sense my sadness, they tried to ask me out for dinner at night. I turned them down. Reason: I'm the only girl in the group, so nyahhh~~~  I dont want my dear dear to worry <3

Another good studymate of mine invited me to practice short case right after the CPC class. We managed to clerk a case of transverse myelitis which has alot good neurological signs as well as a short case on a patient with severe hepatic encephalopathy. I need to brush up a bit on my physical examination skill and as well as my knowledge.

So I spent the rest of my friday night organizing my notes. I reckoned I should just do something more beneficial rather than sitting at a corner, feeling sad just because I can't see my parents for a day. =) I need to grow up . I'm no longer a baby girl. Physical appearance of mine is a strong evident that I'm grown up =p

P/S: That night I experienced the very first episode of vertigo, my vision blurred and everything seems spinning around me. It lasted for almost half an hour, and it was associated with nausea and vomiting and imbalance gait. I couldn't stand or walk still. I felt like I'm walking like a drunk lady. It was self-limiting. It was relieved by bed rest. I was thinking alot of differential of vertigo. Piggy man said I might have semicircular canal problems. I don't think it is due to my inner ear problems as I dont have any aural symptoms such as buzzing sound in my ears.Maybe it's just a vasovagal effect.

Thanks dear for spending the night talking to me, comforting me as well. "heart" you piggy man =D

Tension pneumothorax versus spontaneous pneomothorax

This is how I get a clearer picture on pneumothorax. All the best Winnie !!! Plan: Continuous self-motivation!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-sZzZ4TMnY

Treatment of tension pneumothorax: needle decompression and proceed to immediate chest tube drainage with underwater seal chest drain. do it before ordering any chest x-ray.
How to know whether it's working: Gush of air coming out from the large gauge branula and patient's getting better: vital signs improved, particularly for hypotension. No longer breathless.

Crazy Night

Yesterday seemed to be a really crazy night for us. We bought beers and smuggled them into the hostel. Well we were not really smuggling them, cause there were no authorities keeping an eye on us , so it's kinda easy for us to bring them in.

Beers and cards are always the best combination. But we are bunch of "good" girls. We don't gamble. =p We played Truth or Dare for the card games.

So what had we really done in the room? I can say lotsa mindless, crazy but superfun thingy. Punishment like kisses on face, stuck your face on someone's else buttock, acting like a superstar, tickle someone else sensitive area, draw a deep cleavage on someone's chest, singing, jumping, showing off own's panty colour..and of course the truth like what's your favourite position on the bed etc etc. The alcohol may have some effect on me, I think I am just uncontrollable.

It's nice to have such small gathering once in a while. That 's the time we get to know how is each other doing. It's sad when we are so near to each other yet we seemed so far apart. I really appreciate this small gathering very much. Happy to know you all from the beginning. <3 <3 <3 Friends forever girls~

XOXO

P/S: I woke up late for class today!!!! And experiencing mild degree of hangover in class. I lied to lecturer that I almost fall asleep due to the lame presentation. In fact it is due to the hangover~ shhh... XD sorry mian jie =p

Oh Fat~

After one week of holiday, I really have to admit that I have gained weight. In view of my muffin top which do not disappear although my flatulence and diarrhoea had stopped.

My workout plan had become more intense than usual due to two reasons. First, I want to get rid of flabby arms and my muffin top. Second, I really enjoy the feel of muscle aching pain after the workout. And I have to watch my diet too.

Sometimes I do feel unhappy with the saying that I'm not eating at all. That's kinda hurt to hear that. That's my old way of keeping my weight. I keep looking for pros and cons of the plans that I'm having and make changes from time to time. I'm not having any eating disorder so far. So don't worry. By the way, I love food, that's why I have gained weight.

Oh, I got souvenirs from my besties~ I feel myself being loved~ Chocolates~ <3
And received a keychain from another friend as well. Although the key chain is kinda ugly but I still appreciate it~ <3

And for Mr Goh my dearie, he never fail to listen to my problems and try to relieve my sadness. Thank you so much for your efforts and advices. =) I really hope these family problems can solve in a much more better way. I will pray for my uncle's goodness. I really hope I can do something.

Awwwkay, lastly I want to fully utilize my time in orthopedic posting. So many good lecturers that keep us motivated. Love you guys!!! YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME <3 <3 <3


FAT WINNIE'S MONOLOGUE ~
XoXo

Official or non-official

That's the problem when a relationship get official. People talks behind you. They are either back-stabbing you, or tease you. Only true friends will support you in whatever circumstances.

And I'm truly tired of facing teases everyday.

I should have  putting things low. Low profile as possible.

I'm just tired...

Need a break from all these..

Leave me alone...

Saturday

Another typical Saturday. The only difference is the holiday is coming to an end. Vicious cycle of busy and hectic day is coming ahead.

I had been laying lazily on my bed, day-dreaming. What a waste of time.

So I decided to read of the novel that I had bought not long ago. <The same kind of different as me>. A very good novel indeed. I can't take my eyes of it. Highly recommended peep!

I did a few sets of workouts. Arghh hate to see my muffin top. and my loose arms. My arms turned out to be loose and ugly after 2- 3 days of illness. Mom said I'm probably loose too much of muscle proteins during these few days. My body weight remained the same as before. Never mind, I can get back to my previous shape back. It is just a time matter. 

My uncle paid a sudden visit yesterday. His parkinson's disease had gone worse. Particularly his motor function. He had difficulty in initiate his movement, typical shuffling gait, festinance, turning en-block, and he speaks very very slow. Everything had gone slow... fortunately, he had no apraxia, he still has good and intact memory. I'm quite upset with my cousin sisters and my aunt, they seemed pay no attention to their hubby as well as their dad. They don't even care if their father died. They took no responsibility at all.

How cruel they are. How can they be so ignorant to their loved one? Maybe they don't even love their own father. Maybe my aunt never love my uncle at the first place? This is Not right!!! I hope I can make them realize their mistakes.... But I can't .... :(

 

Little Sweet Outing with Him

He needs about 80 species of insect specimens for his project. He got to know there is a place selling all these kind of insect specimens. This place would be his savior to his little project. At least he won't have to waste his time and energy setting up traps for these insects.

We pushed off from home about noon. Both of us are a total moron to the routes to the place we were about to head. All we had were a phone GPS. I almost lost my temper while we were on the way to that place. My stupid phone kept running out of battery. And I had no idea what's wrong with Maxis 3G. It was kinda lame. We lost 3G connection when we were not even half of our journey. So damn scary.

We reached there at last. The whole journey took us about 30 minutes I guess. We went there, looked out for that shop lot. And we got to know that that shop had been closed for many years, after the owner passed away. OMG. That was so depressing to hear that. so disappointed too.

Since we have nothing else to do, we decided to go Batu Caves which was a stone throws away from our place. This can be considered as our first outing together. Kinda childish but I don't care I just like it so much! =D We conquered the long and high staircases in Batu Caves. I can say this place is so flooded with monkeys and pigeons besides tourists. Monkeys... I'm kinda phobia with them. I had been seeing my friend scratched and hurt by monkey when I was young. I saw them snatched passerby's handbag when I was young too. They are criminals~!!! Anyway I felt secure with a steel man beside me. awww~ <3

It wasn't our lucky day. It rained cat and dog eventually. We got to call it a day. Both of us were wet. He was worst. Imagine the rain water was dripping from everywhere of his body. We bought a shirt from a stall near the KTM station (as I didnt have any extra shirt with me) and we changed clothes in the car! What an adventurous and exciting day, isn't it? We had to walk with bare feet when we reached home too. Both of us were lucky as none of us got cold. God blessed us in every way He can. Thank God. Amen~ =)

P/s: I'm hoping for more adventurous outings with him <3 <3 <3 XOXO

2/11/2013 to 4/11/2013

Over the past 3 days, I had been following my family back to Sitiawan. The day that I have been anticipated the most. I planned a long list of to-do and to-eat. Too bad I contacted an anonymous viral infection and resulted in acute gastroenteritis.

 It started off with severe abdominal discomfort and flatulence. These were the early warning signs to the upcoming dreadful disease. I chose to be ignorant. the next two hours time, I was found to be trapped in the toilet, due to severe diarrhea. I couldn't recall how frequent I had been dashed into the toilet. Deep inside my heart, I was calling out for help. I thought I was going to die by the rate of the diarrhea and vomiting that I had been encountered. I thought I'm going to die of severe hypovolemic shock due to dehydration. I lost my appetite. I felt dizzy. I lost my strength. I can feel cold and my whole body was shivering in cold. I was slightly feverish. I forced myself to put up all my strength to act that I'm okay because he was there. I felt guilty as I was unable to accompany him throughout the trip. I was the one asked  him to join us for this trip. At least I must show him that I'm okay. I forced my smiles. :) 

I still remembered daddy quarreled with me. He was way too worried. He wanted to try whatever way that could cure my symptoms. He wanted me to drink coke. I'm still conscious and was able to judge the situation. I insisted my way and refused to drink coke as I didn't want my diarrhea to get worst. My conditions wasn't that stable at all. I can be fine now and became drowsy and weak in the next hour. I started to play tantrum eventually. I can't stand voices. I scolded my nieces for making noises. I got irritated easily. I wanted them to keep their doors shut because I didn't want my space invaded by cool air. I was cold.

That night, my mom was sleeping next to me. She was so worried. She slept with one of her hand on my forehead. She woke up every hour to check if I'm feverish. I told my mom to send me to the hospital if my conditions continue to deteriorate. I thinks God sent an angel to look after me that night and she was my mom. I got well the day after. Just occasional vomiting and the appetite not really coming back yet. 

The next two days, my mom still watching over my diets. No oily or spicy food. But I was too naughty. I drank chatime and tried nasi lemak. I ended up 5 times of diarrhea that night. 

Today I am superbly well. I will really take care of myself well starting from now. 

I heart you so much MOM!!!! <3 <3 <3 

 

Random Thoughts~

It's time for caffeine abuse again.

I become lethargic easily lately.

I need something to boost my spirit up again

Something... I have no idea what's that

Time to become a NERD ! GAMBATEH, I CAN DO THIS! 

P/S: I'm going back to my dearest hometown in two weeks time! Awww~ my born place, heart you <3 

Application for a Total Different Life?

My MOHH application has been pending for so long. Wrong details, scanned wrong documents, wrote the wrong names, bla bla bla... I almost lost my determination in applying the housemanship in Singapore. Plus and minus my parents' nag. I have been controlling my rage for the past few days. I listened to musics, and sleep most of the time.

Okay I have everything done eventually. Keep calm and be ready~

Next question in my mind would be, Am I ready to make a change in my life?

Puzzled, dilemma..

I'm going to wait and see.

Winnie, Please keep your mind clear~

Days with Him =)

I can hear my heart beating fast and my body temperature kept rising when his face was just an inch away from me. Hilarious experience we had. It took me so long to back to my own sane. I got a feeling that I'm living a teenage dream when I'm with him =p so young and energetic!

I just love being staying close to him. In the presence of family. He's like part of my family already. We laugh and share our joyful moment together.

Thanks to him, my brother and I managed to pay a sudden visit to my elder brother's car workshop. From that, we realized we have wrong perception on our brother for so long. My brother had been working under pressure lately and we, as his family members, never realize that and keep blaming him for everything. Now I realized, my brother are not losing his weight on any intention. =(

Always Trust Your Family Unconditionally.

Crappie Crappie !!!

You would never know what's awaiting for you at the other side if you never attempt.

Never never give up!

I keep searching for motivation lately. I am kind off lost track. Mood swung badly.

I received a whatsapp message from my beloved elective supervisor. He wanted to publish my work. Minor correction needed to be done. That's killing me. I don't know where to start from.Realizing my end of posting test which was around the corner and the minimal hours with my mentor I felt kinda nervous. These are just minor problems, but they were magnified when I'm having emotional instability. Poor thing. That's the down sides to be a girl/lady. ( I guess I'm qualified enough to call myself a lady)

I had watched GRAVITY starred by Sandra Bullock. It is a nice piece of movie. I'm not sure about others but I really like the whole movie, very motivating.

Incident I encountered during my call last night. A poor lady who encountered a failed marriage and faced another problem which is quite similar in her last marriage. Her boyfriend was cheating on her with her colleague. Love and Money~ always cause damage, destruction and death. She tried to kill herself. She wants to give up herself. she was tearful throughout the night. I hold her hand, caressed her head, told her everything would be fine soon. I prayed for her deep inside my heart, asking holy spirits to look after this poor lost soul. Will her boyfriend come back for her? Nobody knows. I just want her to stand up confidently again like Oprah Winfrey did!

MIMS workshop. We had a very fun interactive moments with pharmacy students! Especially it came to the moment that our team members need to give instruction to patient on the way to use vaginal pessary. Laughter and stupid jokes during our discussions. and occasionally a little arguments. I cherished these joyful moments alot! :)

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If I really have to formulate my whole problems this week, I would have said this:

-Presenting complaint: Dysphoric for the past 5 days associated with lost of appetite,lost of interest in social activities and changes in sleeping pattern. No past history of depression or manic episode.
-Predisposing factors: Premenstrual syndrome(PMS)
-Precipitating factors: Poor teamwork in presentation
-Perpetuating factors: New upcoming assignments and ongoing complaints on new buddy
-Protective Prognostic Factors: She used to be in hypomanic phase all the time, and she's still young, she has a good family and friends supports plus a caring boyfriend.
-Poor Prognostic Factors: undetected
-Provisional diagnosis: ???  Mood Swung secondary to PMS
-Plan: 1)seclusion.
          2)Minimize environmental stimuli and avoid any provocative members.
          3)Violent Caution!!!

I think I'm fine actually. (Poor insight? LOL)
Think positively, Holiday is coming soon~! :)
I'm counting down~

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

My Emotional Support and Mentor

I never know how to face the problems. I used to be ignorant or turned out to be irritable when I have to face a problem which was not really my problems.

I'm learning to see a problem from different aspects and tried not to be judgmental from the beginning until I know what's really going on.

I'm glad to know him. He gave good advice and ideas in solving my problems. And all the supports he gave all the while. Distance doesn't mean anything after all. It's all about our trust, cares and loves. Listen in the way that people loves to talk to you and speak in the way that people loves to listen to you. This is not only applicable to a relationship but in our social life I reckoned. And I really love the quote that he kept saying about it " 50% plus 50% equals to 100%".

There are so much things for me to improve in myself yet. I will work hard on these! and same to my lovely dubey mentor Mr G, it's never too late to start now. All the best! XOXO

I am totally agree with this! <3

Expression. Mood. Affections.

If I have to describe how I feel now, I can only think of one word. "Tired".

I miss my holiday.

I want to rest.

I want to stay away from unhappiness.

Music therapy is quite useful as it heals my relatively down mood.

If I don't smile or laugh over a joke, don't worry, it's just that my facial muscles are too fatigue to response to my somatic stimulation.

I'm really glad to have friends who willing to cheer me up when I'm down or when I'm bored. Love them lots! XOXO

I found a suitable words for someone, here it is " I Love You, But I just don't like your attitude." Thanks Dr Zuraida. =)

I really like to look at Dr Chong. She is really pretty. and she did a great job in teaching too. I'm just so lucky to have her as my mentor. =)

P/s: Mom's birthday is approaching. I'm got to think of surprises for mom. Roses for her? XD

Post-Call Thoughts

It's has been so long since the last time I oncall. I remembered how I joyful I am helping around with all the procedures. I don't even care about the signatures. I wanted to train myself competent enough when I am a houseman later. I used to think that my partner had the same dream like me, as compassion as I am in doing medicine. Until yesterday. I felt myself being fooled. She lost of her interest in clerking patients, as well as the ward works. I still remember what she said. It was very clear, heart-piercing at the same time.

"Winnie, I have to tell you something, I don't like doing all these ward works actually.I kept doing all these last time because of the signatures. If not of the logbook, I would never bother to do all these. Can you help me to take Madam XXX 's blood please??? I'm lazy"

How concrete is this logic truth? It was ugly and hardly acceptable at the same time. I was very disappointed with her in a split seconds. But I knew I'm no one to judge anyone. I just have to make sure my determination is strong and firm. She's tired at the same time.

I guess God loves me so much that He kept giving chances to learn. Human psychology. 5 admissions yesterday that was so damn tiring. I'm so exhausted. Thinking on the good sides, I did learnt alot. Thank God for giving me all these chances.

I guess one of the surgeon miss me so much that he called one of my colleague my name. Hahaha! I miss surgical posting too! X)

Study hard ! 

Call Me Princess

I was given a little thrown to put on my head when I was on my way back home. It's from my niece. and since that my dad started to tease on me, calling me "Princess".

Another cute nickname I gotten from my family.

Yeah , this is my cute cute family! LOL

sometimes It feels good to be center of the world once in the while.

P/s: I really miss Him. :/ focus focus Winnie! Nyahahaha!

The Sacrifice

I talked to a young man today. He had end-stage renal failure in such an early age. He still has long way to go. He was very despair. He was emotionally down as his kidney function kept deteriorating. He did not give up on himself. He tried many sorts of medication. However these made things worst. He lost both of his kidneys. He had to start on haemodialysis to keep himself alive. The best way to treat him is renal transplant. But the waiting list is so damn long.

However, he was still able to have his renal transplantation done this year. Very peculiar? Indeed.
He had a very good mom, who loves him so much. She sacrificed one of her kidney to her beloved youngest son. She was 63 years old this year. I felt so touched. I'm amazed by the love bonds in this family. :') I hope he retained full recovery and no chance of relapse. That's his mom precious little kidney in his body. Be strong man, live your life gracefully for your mom. You are so lucky to have her as your mom. :')

Transitional Change in PSY Posting

I never think that I will like psychiatric posting until today. A magical spell made its miracle on me.

It started of with me, got scared by a maniac patient in the ward, maybe psychotic patient, I'm not so sure. The memory is still crystal clear in my mind. He called me up, repeatedly. I looked into his eyes, I felt chills running down my spine. I'm scared. It should not happened. But after listening to those epic encounters where those healthcare workers got strangled by these psychotic patients, I felt scare to approach them. I remembered XJ and me approaching a BMD with depressive mode African lady. The way she talked as if her life was so meaningless. I can see total gray colour in her world. She was despair, hopeless. I can see myself hanging myself from the ceiling. No NO... I made an excuse and walked away from her. XJ was puzzled why I'm acting this way. I'm not telling her what I felt. This is very unprofessional. So I promised myself to make a move from my own barrier. I cant rely on people to help me all the time. A few sleepless night I had. I had think too much perhaps. 

First patient I met individually was in daycare. She was nice and polite. A schizo patient. I tried to imagine her situation. It's really hard. But it's a good attempt. I'm trying my best to develop my interest in this field. I guess God is good to me. He heard my prayers. Thank God. I'm trying my best to cope with all these.

Second patient is BMD. She's good as well. Two angels came to help me with the mental status examination and cognitive function test. Really appreciate their sudden approach and their generosity. 

Today, when I was in  ward, a cute little madam came approaching me and XJ. She was very talkative, easily distractable. She "see" and "felt" ants from her hair (somatic hallucination). She thinks peoples are peeping her taking bath and the funniest part was she told me she was pregnant but the fetus was gone after she poopoo! I can't hold my laughter! We sang in the middle of corridor in the ward. I hope I can be like her. Happy-go-lucky! 

The next patient had a grandiose thinking. She claimed that she was BUDDHA! Sorry, I burst out in laughter again. But I made new friend with her. I like her! and I'm sad that she was leaving. 

While busy screening through the case files, I met the African lady again. She turned out to be very irritable and aggressive. She scolded Dr in the ward. She claimed that they are trying to poison her! BMD BMD...BMD ALERT!

PSY is a very subjective subject. I can't have my concrete thoughts when approaching them. I still have slight fear of approaching depression patient. I need time to overcome these. Thank God for keeping me in track again! I will see YOU all this Sunday! XOXO :)

 

 

Long Weekends with Loved ones

It's Malaysia day today. I'm wondering if my brother and cousins did have to stand straight before the movie started in the cinema. I still remembered what happened back in the day before Malaysia Independence Day. Epic Moment!!!

My uncle and my cousin brothers came to visit plus attending my brother's workshop's opening ceremony which was on yesterday. So my house was kinda noisy and full of laughter. I do enjoyed although the sleeping part was not quite a nice memory where I have to sleep on the floor with my blanket. We never expect these much of peoples. Cousins sisters as well as all the nieces and nephew they are all grown up and so outspoken, sporting and talkative. Time flies. I'm getting older. As well as my parents! Slow down your pace please Mr Time!!!

I'm not sure why everyone is getting married this weekend. I didn't manage to follow my mom but it's fine. At least I don't have to look through my wardrobe for dresses and put on make up on my face. A few pimples had popped out from my face just in these few days. Blame the cosmetics that i had put on my face!

Tomorrow will be normal working and school day again. A few pending reports and study groups assignments. Stay cool.... :)

a bunch of crazy peoples! I'm happy! :)

we are happy family <3

The Beginning

It was very surprising that I agreed to have a relationship with someone. It was all started with nice and comfortable feelings. Nothing more than that. I was puzzled and was totally out of my mind. I'm not convinced to start a whole new relationship. I guess his sincerity touched me. I'm not certain if I can judge his personality now. But so far he is the kind of guy who can help me handle most of the things, and I would not need to worry a single of them. Just like the way he interacted with my family members. He managed to enlighten every single family members of mine.

He thinks of the way to maintain our relationship. He took care of everything basically. I was so shocked when he passed me a phone. There was only two numbers inside the phone which were all his. Again, I'm so startled by his personality: a gentle and careful person.

We were sad that we were be staying apart from each other for quite sometimes. But i'm sure time is not a matter to us. As long as the trustworthy between us is a strong base in our pyramid of love. The goodbye hug and the way he looked when he's leaving home, I couldn't forget it. We have promised each other to stay focus on our study till we meet again :)

Updates~!

I encountered a few incidents recently.
Incident 1: I made a new friend. Is a HE.

He is very tall. I seemed like a dwarf beside him.

He has a striking facial features which made him looked like a K-POP star.

He is cool and looked fierce all the time. But once he talked, he is a chatter-box and joker.

He is a famous guy in his uni. A guy with high position in student council.

He is very active in sports. That's how he get to know one of my childhood friend.

He is very good to lady. 

He tried his best to get along with me. But somehow I feel weird.

My neck ached whenever I talked to him standing. Positive fatigualibity test, I have Myasthenia Gravis? I'm joking. LOL

I couldn't interpret him thoroughly. I guess he is just to hard for me to analyse. 

Incident 2: A chocolate joke

He is a working man. Part time as photographer.

He randomly chat with me, ask for my number. but I said NO.
One day, he asked for my favourite choice of chocolate. I told him dark chocolate.
and He paid a sudden visit to hostel with a bar of dark chocolate in an evening.

I was so shocked. and yet that day is 14th day of lunar ghost month!!! duhhh....!

 Notes to Self:

I prayed hard to Father in Heaven to keep me away from devils. I begged him to take care of my life. I devoted myself to Christianity. I make sure my niece had a good exposure to Christ. I hope everything is well. I longed for a peaceful life. No matter what comes to me, I would never duck, or escape, I would show my courage and face them calmly. At least I tried my best.

Keep Calm and Stay Cool

How would you react when you heard of the ugly rumours about yourself? What will you do when you realize you are an innocent victim and were dragged into a fight which was totally not relevant to you? What will you do to save your friendship? What will you do when you found the real ugly truth? Can everything back to normal as if nothing had happened before? How would you face all these? How would you solve these? Will you remained silent as what I'm doing now? Am I doing the right things? No one can tell me which is right and what can I do. No one. Only God will know what's right and what's wrong.

I know I'm very wrong for cursing someone I don't like. That's the only way to make me feel better. As for my almost broken friendship, I have once chose to ignore and avoid. I have lost my guts to confront the truth that I will be losing my friends, my precious 5 years friendship. I chose to ignore and acted as if nothing has happened. Only if I have clarified all my doubts and misunderstanding earlier; only if I have control my angers well; only if I have listened to every parties involved before I came to a conclusion, all these craps would not have happened.

I Blamed myself for not being wise,I Blame myself for not keeping my mind clear and I blaming myself for being a stubborn donkey all these while.

A starry night sky which I have been longed for.

Thank God for refraining me doing things that I will regret soon or sooner.Thank you God for accept me again back into the family of Christ; Thank you God for keeping an eye on me; Thank you God for the guidance and every tasks given to me all these while. O Lord, my Father in Heaven, please continue to give me guidance and drive me away from the evils. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Day Out with Mommy

Today i went out with my mom, we lingered around wet market, shopped some ingredients for today dinner, have our breakfast together without my dad( hahaha!) photostated my pass year osce, shopped in a IT shop for new laptop(acer S7) and ended up in a salon.

I've trimmed my hair, not so short but still looked adorable ^^  the hairdresser tried his best to persuade me to do relaxing. hmmphh... i like my hair so far, dont think i still need any relaxing but hey , that's a tempting idea!

to do or not to do? end result is still a cute and adorable me ! HAHAHAHA!!!!


i'm happy for my own life now. I still don't need any man to control my life now. my dad himself alone controlling me is more than enough. but he is actually giving me a lot of freedom! hehehe!

A friend of mine asked me to be his sister. I did not give him a definite answer. He urged me to make a decision. then i realize he wants to have a relationship with him. he has a fiance and yet he still want to have a relationship with me. he asked me whether want to be his first priority in his heart! This is so insane, his mind had gone berserk! so I rejected him, but agree to be his sister. GUYS, please be loyal to your girlfriend and fiance. cant you?!

Moment with Family

I've been so stressful lately. I'm glad that mom rang me up. Feel glad to talked to someone you trusted and loved. I'm so reluctant to stay in hostel now. Feel like fleeing away to somewhere with awesome scenery and great and sporty peoples! I had loss of appetite lately. I eat to give me energy throughout the day. I have no longer eating because of unsatisfied satiety center. I had early satiety and postprandial fullness. differential diagnosis? gastric carcinoma probably linitus plastica.

Mommy wants to go somewhere for vacation this weekend. She's been busy for other people and hardly have time for herself. Time for vacation. Malacca? No... I'm so sicked for traffic congestion in Malacca. enough of this crap in KL. Perhaps somewhere with beach? I didn't manage to go Teluk Cempedak for sea breeze with mcdonald sundae cone moment last weekend. Should have do it this weekend. 

I wanna go travel again. far far away from home. with my beloved one.

Mental and Physical Fatigue

I made myself a caffeine addict. As a consequence, I'm wide awake almost every single night. I staring blankly on my laptop screen. Deep inside my head, my hypothalamus and pituitary gland are dancing wildly. They are happily secreting endorphine. My mind ran wild. My heart racing fast. But my body were too weak to respond to the high endorphine level. I lied deadly on my bed, with long hours of blank stare and finally dozed off involuntarily. These cycles continue everyday. My happy little friends kept popping out on the surface of my face with creamy cheesy pus inside. And my hair kept falling off my scalp every single day. by the rate of hair loss like this, I bet I will be balded in no time. Sigh.

Fairy Tales stayed in my heart. I always believe in them. 

Anger Management

Do you know the ways to control your anger? Everyone gets angry on occasion. Overwhelming rage could damage one's physical and mental health. These are what I came across lately, a few ways to suppress or calm myself down:

1) Take a break as soon as you recognize that you are angry
-step away and don't ever talk to anyone as this could initiate unpleasant verbal insult.

2) Take a real deep breath

3) Go to "happy place"
-whatever place that could calm you down. focus on every objects in that place.

4) if the above doesn't really work, then try to think of some happy moments

5) talk to someone you trust

6)practice positive self-talking

7) try to see humour in what angered you

The above ways are just acute management of anger. I will share long term anger management in other day. GOOD NIGHT PEEPS! =)

Upside Down

I've been emotionally labile lately. I'm sorry for those who had been my victims. I knew I'm angry but my temper will be very very intense as compared to normal situation. I would not get angry for no reason. I should have sleep more lately. Maybe I  should consider early TAHBSO.

Miserable All Time

"Medical students are not even a bacteria as compared to houseman."

I came across these statement during my surgical posting. I'm not as ego as any surgeon do, however i'm not as ignorant as other people do. Sometimes, i found the way the healthcare workers talked to us was kind of harsh. Oh well, give me a break, didn't they learn communication skill since young? there are plenty of ways to talk to someone in a proper way. I'm sure everyone will willing to obey commands if the talking part was okay.

Well, let's talk about something else. How am I now after decades of time leaving my blogs aside? I'm been through the busiest and toughest postings ever which was paediatric and found that it was not that scary as the rumours said. However there are so much for me to learn yet. Im grateful to have Prof Wan and Dr NurShadia as my mentors.They taught me really alot. Poor brain the storage size is too small for all these great knowledges. PLEASE STAY WITH ME MEMORIES! Then goes the surgery. I can say I learnt and practice most of the procedures here. Practices made perfect. Now i don't feel fear while setting intravenous line; I learnt the way to comfort patient before setting in branula. seriously I had saw so many kinds of patients with varying reactions. They were just so adorable. Once in Primary Care Medicine, nurses told me, setting lines in elderly was very difficult. I do agreed, but we still have to learn as we will have to do ourselves later in life. The most difficult part in T&S was injecting topical analgesia. CBD is kinda toturing in elder women. ABG is really not easy too. peeps, practices made perfect. We can go through these.

I'm looking forward for EOP which were just around the corner. Paeds EOP and Surgery EOP. God Blessed Me please.

Crazy Trip

My bestie Chu Yee came and talked to me on a Monday night. She invited me to go Singapore. This was when a fantastical journey began. It was a journey to see our future, to feel the differences and to relax my mind.

We kicked off our journey with a long strode to the busiest part of Singapore. Busy as not in the term of working life, but in the meaning of busy nightlife. Clarke Quay. 

This is the river at Clarke Quay with nicely decorated boat and I am standing in front of the Clarke Quay center.  I enjoyed the night breeze there. cool and calming. I can say it is a night place for the couples to hang around too. From there, we strode off to Marina Bay. 

A picture of us before leaving Clarke Quay

what's next? we reached Marina Bay to have a look of Merlion!!! I was so excited as this is a place where my favorite korean actress have her shoot here in a movie called "Dangerous Love". I'm standing at a place where she stood before, breathing in the air she exhaled before. yeah!

Chu Yee and me in front of Merlion! 

sui cheng and me
she is a happy-go-lucky girl  ^^

"we meet for a reason, either you are a blessing or a lesson"

sitting by the beachside, enjoying the sea breeze. I dont want to think about anything, just relax =D

all the way back to Outrum Park > BLK146 jalan Bukit Merah
We are tired but happy!

That night I have a really long pillow talk with Chu Yee. Girls' talk :)

p/s: Sui Cheng had a great night with a good looking hostel boss' son. phewit!

DAY 2

Everyone warned us to wake up early for Universal sTudio. Guess what time I woke up? 7.30am. Our plan was wake up at 6.00 am and depart at 7.30am. Great! We slept around 3 something at the night before. Served us right! LOL. 

FOund this in Transformer's theme park. My Birthday =p

nice hat!

I wish for a true love. Let it be in blood =)

Charlie Chaplin

waiting for transformer 3D roller coaster! AWESOME!

GReaT experience in Universal Studio!!! ^^

At night, we went out at 8 pm, hoped on the wrong bus but luckily the bus driver is a Malaysian with Singapore PR. He drove us to the nearest bus stop at chinatown.  We met with Chu yee's MRSM best friend, cui ting. She is cute! We had a great dinner at the hawker stall ^^

the food is rather cheap here if we are earning singapore dollar.

The night continued with girl's talk . Haha we were having fun gossiping about someone! =)

DAY 3

After checking out from the hostel at 10 am, we heading straight to Jalan Bugis! Awesome!!! For a shopping maniac like me, this place is a haven! 

a picture of sui cheng eating her breakfast. she still looked cocky as usual =p

P/s Food is really nice here in singapore. I have gained 2 kg!!! arghhh!!!

We met with Sui Cheng's brother at Jurong East station and headed straight to Kranji to take express bus to Custom Singapore. Thanks to Sui Cheng's brother!!! We have great time in Skudai too! I might come back again one day. =)

有时有时

最近都很累。
最近得了一场大病后，整个人变得像哭包。一点小事都足以让我哭上一整天。
有时候，我有一股冲动，　想要放声大哭，　不想理会旁人的眼光。
有时候，我什么都不想想，　只是要随心所欲做我爱做的事情。
人老了，　开始有自己“沉默”的时候。　就是耳朵自然关闭，嘴巴封锁，什么都不要听，什么都不想讲。有时候是心情低落；但有时只是纯谇自我关闭。
希望大家不要介意我“失常”的时刻。