Expression. Mood. Affections.

If I have to describe how I feel now, I can only think of one word. "Tired".

I miss my holiday.

I want to rest.

I want to stay away from unhappiness.

Music therapy is quite useful as it heals my relatively down mood.

If I don't smile or laugh over a joke, don't worry, it's just that my facial muscles are too fatigue to response to my somatic stimulation.

I'm really glad to have friends who willing to cheer me up when I'm down or when I'm bored. Love them lots! XOXO

I found a suitable words for someone, here it is " I Love You, But I just don't like your attitude." Thanks Dr Zuraida. =)

I really like to look at Dr Chong. She is really pretty. and she did a great job in teaching too. I'm just so lucky to have her as my mentor. =)

P/s: Mom's birthday is approaching. I'm got to think of surprises for mom. Roses for her? XD

Post-Call Thoughts

It's has been so long since the last time I oncall. I remembered how I joyful I am helping around with all the procedures. I don't even care about the signatures. I wanted to train myself competent enough when I am a houseman later. I used to think that my partner had the same dream like me, as compassion as I am in doing medicine. Until yesterday. I felt myself being fooled. She lost of her interest in clerking patients, as well as the ward works. I still remember what she said. It was very clear, heart-piercing at the same time.

"Winnie, I have to tell you something, I don't like doing all these ward works actually.I kept doing all these last time because of the signatures. If not of the logbook, I would never bother to do all these. Can you help me to take Madam XXX 's blood please??? I'm lazy"

How concrete is this logic truth? It was ugly and hardly acceptable at the same time. I was very disappointed with her in a split seconds. But I knew I'm no one to judge anyone. I just have to make sure my determination is strong and firm. She's tired at the same time.

I guess God loves me so much that He kept giving chances to learn. Human psychology. 5 admissions yesterday that was so damn tiring. I'm so exhausted. Thinking on the good sides, I did learnt alot. Thank God for giving me all these chances.

I guess one of the surgeon miss me so much that he called one of my colleague my name. Hahaha! I miss surgical posting too! X)

Study hard ! 

Call Me Princess

I was given a little thrown to put on my head when I was on my way back home. It's from my niece. and since that my dad started to tease on me, calling me "Princess".

Another cute nickname I gotten from my family.

Yeah , this is my cute cute family! LOL

sometimes It feels good to be center of the world once in the while.

P/s: I really miss Him. :/ focus focus Winnie! Nyahahaha!

The Sacrifice

I talked to a young man today. He had end-stage renal failure in such an early age. He still has long way to go. He was very despair. He was emotionally down as his kidney function kept deteriorating. He did not give up on himself. He tried many sorts of medication. However these made things worst. He lost both of his kidneys. He had to start on haemodialysis to keep himself alive. The best way to treat him is renal transplant. But the waiting list is so damn long.

However, he was still able to have his renal transplantation done this year. Very peculiar? Indeed.
He had a very good mom, who loves him so much. She sacrificed one of her kidney to her beloved youngest son. She was 63 years old this year. I felt so touched. I'm amazed by the love bonds in this family. :') I hope he retained full recovery and no chance of relapse. That's his mom precious little kidney in his body. Be strong man, live your life gracefully for your mom. You are so lucky to have her as your mom. :')

Transitional Change in PSY Posting

I never think that I will like psychiatric posting until today. A magical spell made its miracle on me.

It started of with me, got scared by a maniac patient in the ward, maybe psychotic patient, I'm not so sure. The memory is still crystal clear in my mind. He called me up, repeatedly. I looked into his eyes, I felt chills running down my spine. I'm scared. It should not happened. But after listening to those epic encounters where those healthcare workers got strangled by these psychotic patients, I felt scare to approach them. I remembered XJ and me approaching a BMD with depressive mode African lady. The way she talked as if her life was so meaningless. I can see total gray colour in her world. She was despair, hopeless. I can see myself hanging myself from the ceiling. No NO... I made an excuse and walked away from her. XJ was puzzled why I'm acting this way. I'm not telling her what I felt. This is very unprofessional. So I promised myself to make a move from my own barrier. I cant rely on people to help me all the time. A few sleepless night I had. I had think too much perhaps. 

First patient I met individually was in daycare. She was nice and polite. A schizo patient. I tried to imagine her situation. It's really hard. But it's a good attempt. I'm trying my best to develop my interest in this field. I guess God is good to me. He heard my prayers. Thank God. I'm trying my best to cope with all these.

Second patient is BMD. She's good as well. Two angels came to help me with the mental status examination and cognitive function test. Really appreciate their sudden approach and their generosity. 

Today, when I was in  ward, a cute little madam came approaching me and XJ. She was very talkative, easily distractable. She "see" and "felt" ants from her hair (somatic hallucination). She thinks peoples are peeping her taking bath and the funniest part was she told me she was pregnant but the fetus was gone after she poopoo! I can't hold my laughter! We sang in the middle of corridor in the ward. I hope I can be like her. Happy-go-lucky! 

The next patient had a grandiose thinking. She claimed that she was BUDDHA! Sorry, I burst out in laughter again. But I made new friend with her. I like her! and I'm sad that she was leaving. 

While busy screening through the case files, I met the African lady again. She turned out to be very irritable and aggressive. She scolded Dr in the ward. She claimed that they are trying to poison her! BMD BMD...BMD ALERT!

PSY is a very subjective subject. I can't have my concrete thoughts when approaching them. I still have slight fear of approaching depression patient. I need time to overcome these. Thank God for keeping me in track again! I will see YOU all this Sunday! XOXO :)

 

 

Long Weekends with Loved ones

It's Malaysia day today. I'm wondering if my brother and cousins did have to stand straight before the movie started in the cinema. I still remembered what happened back in the day before Malaysia Independence Day. Epic Moment!!!

My uncle and my cousin brothers came to visit plus attending my brother's workshop's opening ceremony which was on yesterday. So my house was kinda noisy and full of laughter. I do enjoyed although the sleeping part was not quite a nice memory where I have to sleep on the floor with my blanket. We never expect these much of peoples. Cousins sisters as well as all the nieces and nephew they are all grown up and so outspoken, sporting and talkative. Time flies. I'm getting older. As well as my parents! Slow down your pace please Mr Time!!!

I'm not sure why everyone is getting married this weekend. I didn't manage to follow my mom but it's fine. At least I don't have to look through my wardrobe for dresses and put on make up on my face. A few pimples had popped out from my face just in these few days. Blame the cosmetics that i had put on my face!

Tomorrow will be normal working and school day again. A few pending reports and study groups assignments. Stay cool.... :)

a bunch of crazy peoples! I'm happy! :)

we are happy family <3

The Beginning

It was very surprising that I agreed to have a relationship with someone. It was all started with nice and comfortable feelings. Nothing more than that. I was puzzled and was totally out of my mind. I'm not convinced to start a whole new relationship. I guess his sincerity touched me. I'm not certain if I can judge his personality now. But so far he is the kind of guy who can help me handle most of the things, and I would not need to worry a single of them. Just like the way he interacted with my family members. He managed to enlighten every single family members of mine.

He thinks of the way to maintain our relationship. He took care of everything basically. I was so shocked when he passed me a phone. There was only two numbers inside the phone which were all his. Again, I'm so startled by his personality: a gentle and careful person.

We were sad that we were be staying apart from each other for quite sometimes. But i'm sure time is not a matter to us. As long as the trustworthy between us is a strong base in our pyramid of love. The goodbye hug and the way he looked when he's leaving home, I couldn't forget it. We have promised each other to stay focus on our study till we meet again :)